


Surviving With You

by Ratha_FireSong



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: 104 Training Corps, Before the Battle of Troth, Before the events of Wall Rose, M/M, Survival Training, Training
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-06-30
Updated: 2013-07-10
Packaged: 2017-12-16 17:29:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 6
Words: 14,870
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/864696
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ratha_FireSong/pseuds/Ratha_FireSong
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The trainees must go through a three week long survival training before the can move forward with the rest of the program. To ensure that they will last through the three weeks in the wilderness, they are partnered up with another trainee to rely on and to work as a team. Armin has always relied on Eren and Mikasa, but now he must face this exercise alone, but worse of all he is paired up with Jean Kirschstein. The pair must battle the elements and survive together in the woods, but they shall also discover something about each other and Jean's secret affections towards the blond boy.</p><p>Warning: This fic has some sexual contact between two minors since Jean and Armin are 15 years old (I double checked that).</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Paired

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first AoT fanfic! I love the series so much.
> 
> Warning: Jean and Armin are both 15 years old and there will be some sexual contact.

If there was one thing that Armin was sure about, it was that he never wanted to be separated from Eren and Mikasa. He knew he was only a burden to them, and that they had to come to his aid all the time it seemed, but they were his family now. He still had nightmares about his grandpa leaving with the other damned souls to venture into Wall Maria and he would wake up in a cold sweat when his nightmares turned bloody. Armin had not told his friends about his dreams – dreams of his grandpa’s lifeless body hanging from a Titan’s mouth as his blood poured down onto the ground and somewhere his mother screaming in terror. The blond boy would only retreat to the washroom and wash away the sweat from his body before returning to bed.

Today, everyone was a buzz of activity. It seemed that information was leaked out that trainers and teachers would start performing the survival training soon.

Armin took his seat in the mess hall with his friends and leaned his head on his hand. He was not looking forward to this. He had just barely made it out of the vertical maneuvering exercise and the constant running and strengthening had not become easier for him.

“Hm?” Armin looked up when he heard his name and saw Eren looking at him. “What?”

“Weren’t you listening?” Eren sighed a bit and shook his head. “They are saying that we will be partnering up for this training. Some people have even died during this since the point of it is surviving in the woods on your own.”

“Won’t be too hard.” Mikasa chimed in grimly and leaned forward against the table.

“Easy for you to say.” The blond sighed to himself. “I am just a burden when it comes to stuff like this. I don’t know if I can survive on my own.”

“Well the good thing is another part of this training is teamwork.” A voice called out making the three turn to spy Marco and Jean standing behind them. “If you can rely on each other, you are bound to get through the three week training.”

“Three weeks!” Armin yelled in despair and buried his face into his arms. Three weeks out in the woods with someone. At least he could pick Eren to be his partner and he knew that he would be alright for sure. That was until Jean spoke up.

“They are drawing names tomorrow. The partners are randomized to ensure that friends are not going in together.”

Randomized?! That would mean I would be with anyone, or even a stranger, Armin thought as his face turned pale. Fleetingly he thought if he could somehow get out of this, but there were no special treatments for anyone. You either had to what you were told or you had to go back and work the rest of your life. For a second there, working sounded better than three weeks in the wilderness, but he didn’t want to let Eren or Mikasa down.  He was there for them both after all.

Fear still hung over the blond throughout the day as he went through the motions of the day. His eyes darted about to the different people surrounding him wondering who he would be partnered up with.

The training yard was filled with trainees learning the basics of hand to hand combat and a few stuck out to Armin. Connie and Sasha were goofing off as normal, waving their hands about in the hair and making odd noises. He wondered what it would be like to be partnered with them on this survival exercise. No doubt it would be entertaining, but he didn’t know if girls or boys were allowed to be partnered together. It would cause some tension or at least…

His cheeks burned red and he shook his head a bit to push that thought into the back of his mind.

His eyes went to Jean, Marco and Reiner as they practiced flips together. Marco was kind and so was Reiner, but there was Jean. The boy was the same age as himself, but he held an air of maturity that Armin didn’t have. He also looked much older than he was.  He didn’t really have anything against Jean, but he thought of him as arrogant and would be often mean to Eren. Out of everyone, Armin didn’t think he and Jean would not get along at all.

Jean turned his head and locked eyes with the blond boy for a few seconds before flipping Marco onto his back in one single movement. It was impressive, but Armin turned his head away before Jean looked back at him. It was almost as if he was showing off, but that would be silly. Why would he show off to him?

___

“Alright you maggots!” The sergeant stood in front of the trainees, screaming loudly in their faces. “You all will be placed in teams of two to survive out in the woods for three weeks. You have to rely on your teammate to survive! If you do not try and work together, I assure you all…YOU WILL DIE!.”

Armin’s body shivered and he stood up straighter at the loud voice. He didn’t sleep all night since he knew today was the day he would see who would be his partner. He hoped to God it was Eren or Mikasa at least and what Jean said was not true – ensure friends are not partnered up.

“First eight groups will go out tomorrow to start their training and after those three weeks, another group of eight will start their training before the groups come back. Is that clear?!”

“Yes sir!” Everyone yelled loudly.

“Alright, first group is…” The man put his hand into a box and pulled out two names on a slip of paper. “Mikasa and Sasha.”

A little holler came out from behind Armin and he saw Sasha waving her hand over at Mikasa who looked less than thrilled about this arrangement.

“Next is Annie and Connie.”

A few murmurs sounded from the group as the names were called. So it doesn’t matter if you are placed with a girl or not, Armin thought with a small smile, it is about survival and gender does not matter when it comes to that.  This soothed the boy’s fears, but still he was nervous about who he would be picked with.

The names went on until group seven and eight were the last.

“The next group will be Eren and Marco.”

Armin’s heart sunk low and he looked over at his friend who gave him an apologetic look before turning back towards the commanding officer. There was one more group left and Armin was trembling. Maybe he would luck out and have three more weeks of rest before this again? Who knows? Maybe God would have mercy on him today.

“The last group will be…Jean and Armin.”

Heads turned towards Jean and Armin instantly and out of the corner of his eye, Armin could see that Eren’s hands were balled up in a fist. He could understand why since he would have to rely on Jean – one of the few that did not work well in teams or have the understanding to help ones weaker then himself. The blond boy gulped and thought that his life would be over now.

He glanced over at Jean and saw the look of indifference on his face and let out a soft sigh. If he survived, this would be a long three weeks.

“Now that you have been put into groups, you are to bunk with your partners for the night and get to know one another. Trust me when I say this, you better know each other’s strengths and weaknesses before embarking! When you are out there fending for your lives, you better know how to work with your partner. It _might_ just save your life up against a Titan. Dismissed!”

The group of trainees saluted over their chest and broke up slowly into their groups. The lucky ones, who did not have to go this time, left for the mess hall while the groups went off on their own to speak with one another. Armin watched as Sasha clung onto Mikasa’s arm tightly and pulled her off towards the mess hall to talk over dinner while Eren and Marco went to the boy’s cabins quietly. Before he knew it, Armin was standing alone in the yard with Jean. They had not moved from their spots at all and the blond boy did not know what to do or say.

It was Jean who made the first move and walked up to the smaller boy to place his hand on his shoulder. “Come on.” He said before making his way over to the boy’s cabins. “We gotta make sure and pack all that we need for the trip.”

Armin shook his head a bit trying to get over the shock that was still on him and followed after Jean’s heels. He stared at the back of his head as they walked waiting for him to speak up again, but he didn’t say a word.

“So…” Armin started, but his cheeks started to turn red again and his gaze dropped to his feet.

“We can talk about our strengths and weaknesses bullshit later. The most important thing we gotta do is make sure we have the tools we need to survive.” Jean snapped causing the blond to flinch at his tone. It was cold and almost cruel.

Of all people he had to be paired with him?!

They were silent for two hours as they gathered their packs and double checked everything they would need. Jean was very intelligent when it came to knowing what they would need. Armin did not think they would need wire, or rope, or even fishing line but he saw the uses in his head quickly as he turned these items over in his hand. Sometimes he would look around and watch Eren sitting with Marco on his bunk where Jean normally slept. He remembered that Marco and Jean were close and wondered if he was angry that they would be separated.

Marco eyes locked with Armin and he smiled at him softly, but there was something in his demeanor that was odd to him. It was something that he could not put his finger on, but he looked away when Jean pressed something into Armin’s hand.

“Here, you will need this.”

He looked down to find a small switch blade in his hand. The handle was made of wood and it had the symbol of Wall Rose on it. He pulled the blade out and held it to the light. It looked like it had been used a lot, but there were signs that it had been well taken care of – oiled and sharpened over the years.

“Is this yours?” Armin asked as he held the blade out.

Jean did not answer as he kept putting a few rolled up shirts into his pack. It frustrated the blond that his partner would not answer him and he would stay silent like this, but he suddenly realized that this was not like Jean. He normally was talkative about his view points and enjoyed to rough house with Marco.

The bells rang outside signaling that it was time for bed as the sky darkened through the windows of the cabin. Since partners had to sleep in the same bunks, Eren came over to collect his belongings. Armin was sitting with his pack ready on the floor when he approached and let out a small sigh. Jean had left his side to speak with Marco for a few minutes and it caused most of the tension to leave Armin’s body.

“How are you holding up Armin?” Eren asked as he sat down next to his childhood friend.

“I’m alright, but I’m very confused,” He pulled his legs up to his chest and laid his head down on his knees, “I mean, he is acting very different around me. He isn’t very talkative at all and he gave me a knife.”

“A knife?” Eren blinked.

“Yeah. It has the Wall Rose’s symbol on it and it is in amazing condition. I mean a knife is good to have, but I could have gotten one from the supply shed.”

“True. Maybe he is trying to be nice to you.”

That could have been the reason, but Armin wasn’t buying it. For now, he kept most of his thoughts about Jean to himself since he didn’t want to bother his friend about them. Jean was just acting oddly, that was it, right?

“Marco is pretty agreeable. I think my time with him will help me learn a bit more about working with others I do not know well.”

“I think you will have the easiest time.” Armin smiled finally and poked his finger against Eren’s arm. “I think Mikasa might kill her partner after five days.”

“Nay, I say more like three.”

They grinned at each other and started to laugh at the thought of Mikasa with the odd girl trainees called “Potato Girl”. It was good to laugh at least for a little while and he found his arm wrapped around his friend’s shoulder to give him a small hug. He suddenly remembered their promise to see the world outside together and his smile widen. He could do this. He could survive because he had a promise to his friend to keep.

“Ahem.” A cough sounded in front of them and the pair looked up at Jean. He looked like he had been standing there for a little while, but did not say anything. “Sorry to cut this short, Eren, but we need our sleep. I suggest you get into your bunk.”

Armin felt Eren’s body tense up and even felt the surge of rage pulsing inside him, but he placed his hand over his balled fist and nodded. “Yeah he is right. I got a long day ahead of me tomorrow and I want to enjoy sleeping on a bed before I have to sleep on the hard ground.” He seemed to always know what to say to keep his friend calm and let out a small sigh as his fist relaxed.

“Yeah, I guess you are right.” Eren said as he stood up and brushed past Jean. He turned his head and whispered something in his ear that made the taller boy’s eyes flare up for a moment before pulling away. Armin sat there wondering what he had said to him, but before he could ask the lights were turned off in the cabin.

Again there was silence between them as Jean climbed into the bunk and settled himself near the wall. Armin didn’t know what to do, but at least try and go to sleep although his anxiety was already wearing him down. The blond tossed about a bit until he found himself on his side facing all of the other bunks across from his own. Now adjusted to the darkness, he could see Eren’s outline in Jean’s old bunk with Marco next to him. He found that he was jealous – not because his friend was with someone else, but with someone else who he could at least talk to.

With a small huff, he closed his eyes and tried to focus on sleeping.

His nightmares returned again and Armin made small whimpers in his sleep. He tossed his head from side to side and sweat rolled down his forehead from his constant movement. Jean, normally a light sleeper, watched as the boy desperately tried to fight whatever he was dreaming. He knew he was be worn out if he kept this up so he wrapped an arm around Armin’s waist and pulled him close enough not to wake him.

Somehow, Armin started to settle down and he would only twitch in his sleep or let out a small whine. Seeing this had a good effect on him, Jean laid his head down near Armin’s and inhaled his scent. He had never been this close to him, but now was his chance to get to know the beautiful blond he had admired for a while now. Yes Mikasa was beautiful, but nothing like the boy he held gently against him. 


	2. Connecting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Day one of survival training and Armin is seeing a kinder side of Jean.

For once, Armin did not wake up in the middle of the night because of his nightmares. His dreams were blurred figures and a gentle warmth soothed him into a peaceful sleep. The reason for the blessing, the boy did not know, but he would not regret it at all. It was the most restful sleep he had ever gotten since he started training.

A hand gripped his shoulder and gave the boy a soft shake before he opened his blue eyes to meet silver ones.

Eren? No Eren’s eyes were green.

Jean smiled a bit at the blond’s sleepy face and gave him another gentle shake. “Hey it’s time to get up.”

It was the first time Armin had seen Jean smile since they were partnered up, and it made his face feel warm at the sudden closeness between the two. He watched as his partner moved away to pull his pack onto his back and look over Armin’s belongings to make sure he had everything before they left. The sun had not risen yet and there was a yellow line on the horizon signaling that sunrise was not far off.

“What time is it?” Armin asked with a groan as he sat up in his bunk.

“Around five,” He answered quietly, and looked over as other groups started to stir, “The sergeant wanted us up early, remember?”

Oh, right. Today he would be leaving with Jean to live in the wilds for three weeks. Though his thoughts were still a bit grim, this gentle wake up and his smile made the smaller boy start to rethink the trails that were ahead of them. Maybe Jean was warming up to him?

Armin shrugged it off for now and bent down to grab his button up shirt and jacket before Jean gripped his wrist to stop him. He turned his head up to meet those silver eyes yet again and suddenly realized how close their faces were. If he just leaned in a little more, their noses would brush together. He had never seen the brunette this close to anyone, only Marco.

“Leave it.” He said before releasing Armin’s wrist. “Wear a t-shirt and shorts. The days will still be hot in the forest even with the shade and you will overheat if you wear all of that. We still have some long clothing in our bags if it gets too cold.”

“R-Right.” Armind stuttered and looked away from Jean. It was a smart idea, but he could not shake off the feeling of Jean’s hand and fingers wrapped around his slender wrist. It was a heat that would not leave his skin no matter how much he tried to rub it away. The sensation left him blushing madly as he put on his clothing for their journey.

___

As Jean said, the day was hot. The pair had started before the sun had risen and they had traveled far towards their campsite. The trainees must reach one of the eight campsites that were marked upon a map they were give. It would take a week to reach the site on foot while making nightly stops to sleep and forage for food. Once the site was reached, the two must spend another week practicing together as if they were still at the training grounds as well as basic survival training. After this week is completed, then they must travel back to the main base. If they were late, they failed the course and would not graduate with the others. This was critical to their final score.

Armin felt bad since Jean was trying very hard to become one of the Military Police, but only the top ten were allowed in. Armin knew who the top ten were already and he was not among them. At best his skills in the classroom outweighed the others and he had gained a reputation of being a very intelligent straggliest.

Sweat rolled down the boy’s face as he huffed behind Jean. He was glad that his partner suggested just a cotton t-shirt and shorts because he knew he would have died in his longs pants and long sleeve shirt. But still, he it was extremely hot and he felt his body start to slow down from exhaustion.

The footsteps in front of him stopped and he looked up to come face to face with a canteen of water.

“Here.” Jean looked back at him with a small grin. “You sound like you are about to pass out. I don’t need to carry you and the pack, do I?”

Armin’s already redden cheeks grew darker and he took the water with a mutter of thanks to the taller boy. Water was water, and he needed it badly. He tilted his head back and took a few large gulps of cool water, some of it rolling down his chin to soak his white t-shirt.

Jean’s eyes stayed trained on Armin as he drank down the water and watched the clear liquid roll down his throat to dampen his shirt. He felt the heat pool in his stomach at the sinful display before those blue eyes opened to look at him. His head turned away trying to pretend he was looking off in the distance. He knew what it must had looked like - he had caught himself looking like that at Armin before in his reflection when he couldn’t see him.

Those silver eyes looked almost predatory and it caused Armin to tremble like lamb before a wolf. What was that look for all of the sudden? The blond closed the canteen and handed it back to Jean slowly, still staring at him with weary eyes.

“How much further will it be till we get to the first check point?” Armin asked as he walked closer to Jean as the brunette pulled the map from his pocket.

“It seems that we will reach it in 12 kilometers.” Jean chuckled when he heard Armin groan next to him. “It’s not so bad. Trust me, we will make it.”

“But that is so far!” The smaller boy thought his legs would melt if he took another step further. They had to walk another 12 kilometers to reach this place?

“Be glad we don’t have to cross a river today,” Jean said as he started to walk again down the path, “That will be tomorrow’s task.”

“A river?” It didn’t seem like this would get any worse.

The hours went by slowly as the pair dragged onwards towards the first check point. Even if it was the first one, it was the longest to reach. It was to ensure that the trainees would push themselves in the very beginning and start relying upon one another eminently. But the day only grew hotter and Armin felt like his whole body was weighed down with just sweat. His blond hair was damp and clung to his face and neck only making the heat feel worse.

Jean was no different, but he kept pushing along in front of him. He would frequently ask if they needed to take a break, but after the fifth break, Armin felt like a heavy burden to the taller boy. He kept pushing off the breaks even when Jean asked him if he needed to rest and would move forward.

The vacant circle was a blessing that Armin didn’t know existed in his life. He almost collapsed when he saw the circle of stones where the fire was to be set up, until he realized that they had to gather firewood and get food for the night. He only groaned in defeat when he knew he would be able to move another centimeter until Jean placed his bag down.

“You can put up the tent while I go look for firewood and food, alright?”

He stared up at him for a moment before nodding his head and moving to his pack. Even though he wished to be useful, he could not move enough to finish the tasks that were assigned. He was just thankful that Jean ordered him to put up the tent so he didn’t feel like a complete burden.

The tent was harder to assemble then he thought, but Armin finished the job as Jean walked up with an arm full of large branches. The blond huffed a bit and shook his head at the taller boy.

“That won’t do.” He pointed out with a small sigh.

“Why not? These will last us most of the night.”

“They are too big. They won’t catch quickly enough.”

Armin was thankful that there were some small, think sticks about the campsite and put them up in a small pyramid structure. Jean watched from behind, very curious at what the blond was doing until he saw the flint spark together and the twigs caught. His hand went out to the taller boy signaling him to give him a piece of the wood which he obliged quickly.

A strong fire was roaring in a matter of minutes and Armin looked up proudly at Jean showing off his handy work. He was rewarded with a shocked yet pleased expression as he stood his seat next to his smaller partner.

“Who knew you were good at this.” Jean joked and pushed the boy playfully.

“My grandpa would take me camping all the time, so I learned a few tricks.” Armin poked the small fire with a stick making sure the fire could breathe when the added more branches to the circle.

“You always talk about him.” Jean said soft and turned his gaze to the fire. “I’m sorry. I found out from Marco about your parents and grandfather.”

It was a sore subject that Armin did not wish to go into detail so he kept silent as the crackle of the bond fire filled the void between them. He pushed the stick around in the dirt, making patterns and pictures to keep his mind off the painful memories. He could still see his grandpa’s face as he placed his hat over his head for the last time before he watched his family march away like cattle. They were treated like cattle – to be eaten by the Titans.

A gentle hand ranked through the blond’s hair and he looked up to find Jean looking down at him with a sorrowful expression on his face.

“I didn’t mean to make you cry.”

Cry?

His hand moved up to touch his cheeks to find them damp and cool with his tears. He didn’t know he was even crying, but those memories only made his eyes sting even more with his tears. Armin turned his head away and rubbed his eyes with the back of his hand. Great, he must look like a fool to Jean now, but he didn’t feel the taller boy’s hand move away from his hair even if his fingers became tangled in the thick locks.

“Here, you should eat something.” Jean said as he pulled a bundle from his bag. “I was saving it for when we really needed it, but I think we are a little too tired from today’s hike.”

The bag was filled with different kinds of nuts and dried fruit from the survival kit. Jean split their food up and poured Armin’s share into his smaller hands. The utter surprise in Armin’s eyes was enough to make Jean grin like a fool and he turned away to eat the small dinner that he provided for them.

As the sky darkened over their heads, Jean kept a close eye on his partner. He watched how the fire would dance across his skin or the way he would look deep in thought. He had to resist the urge to hold that boy close to him and brush away those tears that he had caused. Jean should have known better then to bring up painful memories like that. He had no idea what the boy next to him felt. He didn’t know what it felt like to lose someone he loved. From the look on Armin’s face, it seemed like it was a hole in his heart that could never be filled.

He wanted to be the one to heal that small heart and give him something to smile about like Eren did.

Eren. That name only caused fire to burn inside Jean. He could not stop watching how close the two were and how he would make Armin smile and laugh like there wasn’t even Titans in the world. He even could still hear his voice in his mind threatening him when before they left.

_“Don’t hurt him.”_

It was as if Eren thought he was some kind of monster that would tear Armin alive out here in the woods. Well there were things he wished to do to the smaller boy, but he pushed back those perverted thoughts back in his mind.

“I think we should go to bed.”

Jean’s head turned up quickly to stare at Armin with blush dusting across his cheeks (although the color of the fire light hides it from the boy’s eyes). “W-What?”

“Go to bed? We got a big day of hiking tomorrow, right?” Armin blinked and smiled at him. “Where is your head tonight?”

“Oh.” Jean turned away and put his hand over his face. Great, he thought he pushed those thoughts away from him. Guess he had to try harder. “Right.”

The pair climbed into the tent after smothering the fire with dirt so the smoke would not bellow (another trick from Armin) and rolled out their blankets and bedrolls for the night. Jean watched the boy fall to his side and curl up to instantly fall into a deep slumber. He only laughed a bit at his eagerness and stroked his hand over Armin’s face to brush the locks out of his face.

The nightmares were upon him quickly tonight and Jean waked the expression of fear and horror upon his partner’s face. His heart jolted in pain at his distress and wrapped his arm firmly around him to keep him warm and close to his body. It took longer for Armin to calm down and Jean had to stroke along his hair until he stopped struggling against those phantom images in his dreams. Whatever it was, it caused the smaller boy a lot of pain. One day, Jean might ask about his dreams, but tonight he held him against his chest until sleep took hold of him.


	3. River and Nightmare

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Armin awakes to find Jean holding him in his sleep and finds himself confused about the situation. Could something from Jean feel this nice? Could he even allow this to happen again?

The sun filtered through the green tent hitting Armin in the eyes as he struggled from another odd night of restful sleep. Again, the boy was hit with that odd feeling of waking up in the morning without having to constantly get up until he felt something warm pressing up against his back. His gaze turned down to find an arm slung over his waist and a hand clutching to his t-shirt gently. Seeing this, his heart almost jumped out of his chest until he realized that it was Jean sleeping next to him as if this was normal.

Heat rose to Armin’s face and he felt it spread down to his neck before he stumbled away from the arm. He watched Jean stir a little and opened his silver eyes to face a very stunned blond staring back at him. The look on his face almost screamed he was caught doing something perverted, but they did not open their mouths to speak. Silence that seemed to always invade their partnership flared up around them until Armin finally found the words.

“What are you doing Jean?” He gasped out.

“I wasn’t doing anything!”

“You had your arm around me!”

The words were caught in Jean’s throat and he struggled to think of anything he could say before he was labeled as a pervert by his partner.

“You were tossing around in your sleep,” Jean muttered and turned his gaze away from those questioning eyes, “It seemed like the only way you would stop trashing about.”

Armin was at a loss for words and he crossed his legs to think things through. Yes, he realized how much turmoil his dreams gave him, but it didn’t cover the fact that when Jean held him that his dreams would go away. Was it the fact that this touch comforted him, or that it was Jean who was the one holding him? Armin didn’t know and he was stressing himself over the answer. Confusion was filling his mind and he was terrified that he could not understand what was going on with himself and, more importantly, in this partnership he had made with Jean.

“I-I,” Armin turned away and unzipped their tent, “I’m going to break down camp and get ready.”

Jean swore under his breath and sat up trying to compose himself. He was caught and he was not sure if Armin would ever let him get that close to him ever again. It probably looked so disgusting to him that he didn’t want to look at the taller boy anymore. True, there were stories going around the main base about how some larger boys would take advantage of the smaller ones during this trip if they were paired together, but he never wanted to hurt Armin. The boy was just so distressed in his sleep it only seemed right to hold him close – to protect him.

Meanwhile, Armin was quickly breaking down camp while he waited for Jean to come out of the tent. His heart was pounding in his chest and the blush did not leave his face. He had to admit it didn’t feel wrong to be held, but he was more so confused about Jean’s attentions. This was one of the few times he and Jean were alone together and the larger boy had never reached out and touched him before. Not even a pat on the shoulder or a brush of the arm. Their time with each other was always in the sight of others.

Now he was alone with Jean for three weeks. He should be scared, but strangely he was not. The only thing that frightened Armin was the unknown of it all and where he stood with the brunette.

When he heard the rustling of the tent flap and saw Jean step out with their bedrolls, Armin quickly looked away with shame and continued his work.

___

They both walked in utter silence not daring to speak of what happened that morning in the tent. Armin didn’t think it would be a good idea to speak about it because he was not sure in Jean would be angry or not about his reaction. It was startling for sure, but did he really over react? Jean did nothing to him sexually and the touches seemed light and friendly. It reminded him of how Mikasa would touch him when he felt sad or when Eren would hug him as they spoke about going to the outside world together. But there was still something under it Armin could not put his finger on.

His blue gaze stared up at Jean’s back and he rubbed his lips together in thought.

Jean was an arrogant person. He would forget his teammates turning training and try to do everything himself. Many times Armin would see him run laps for foolishly bounding off during the team exercises and ‘taking all the glory’. That person that the blond had always seen wasn’t the boy that was walking in front of him. There was a kindness and understanding in him that had not been seen and it left the smaller boy wondering just who Jean was.

A tree root caught the blond’s foot and he yelped as his body swung forward. He thought he would hit the hard round, but instead he felt a warm chest pressed up against his cheek and strong arms wrapped around him. He looked up at Jean with a stunned expression on his face, but he didn’t push away like he thought he would.

“You have to look where you are going, dummy.” Jean scolded half heartedly and shook his head a bit. “What if you twisted your ankle? Where would we be now? I thought you wanted to become stronger?”

Stronger? Yes, that’s right. Armin wanted to be stronger for his friends so he would not be a burden to them, but as he was being held in Jean’s arms he wondered if this helplessness he felt was so bad.

“Hear that?” Jean muttered breaking Armin’s train of thought so he could listening. It was the unmistakable sound of rushing water. They must be close to the river.

Slowly, Jean let go of Armin after making sure he would not fall over again and turned back to the path. “The river should be just up ahead. That means our second checkpoint is on the other side.”

Great, Armin sighed in relief, now I can finally sit down somewhere.

Armin’s hopes were soon dashed when he saw how wide the river was and his body started to tremble. He was not a strong swimmer at all and this river looked to be at least eighteen meters wide. He turned to look at Jean who was already stripping off his shirt and pants leaving his boxers on so he could swim. He looked at their packs with a grim expression knowing that their belongings would get wet in an instant if they went in and they could not be held up when they needed their arms to swim.

He watched as Jean tied a rope around a tree near the river and turned to had Armin their packs. “I’m going to swim across and tie the end to that tree over there.” Armin raised his eye brow at this action and looked across the water. It seemed Jean understood his confusion and grinned. “You are the specialist when it comes to tactics and you haven’t done this before? We are gonna send the packs over the water so they won’t get wet.”

Armin’s eyes widen and he stared at Jean in awe for such a brilliant idea. He didn’t even think of doing something like that, and he wanted to give the taller boy praise before he watched him jump into the water. He quickly scanned the surface of the river until the still water broke by his partner’s head. Another thing the blond could admire now was a skilled swimmer Jean was. He didn’t look like he would tire out as he made his way across.

It took him less than a few minutes to reach the other side and tie the rope to a nearby tree. Thankfully, the way across looked as if it slopped downwards so when Armin threw over the packs over their makeshift zip line, they sailed smoothly across. The blond had already stuffed his own clothing away in his pack leaving him shivering in his boxers as he watched Jean retrieve their belongings.

“Alright,” Jean yelled and waved his arms, “Now untie the rope and swim on over.”

Easier said than done, Armin thought grimly as he pulled the knot free from the tree. He approached the water slowly let out a broken sigh before jumping in himself. Even if the day had been warm, the water was cool against his skin leaving him gasping and whining in discomfort. His strokes through the river started out strong, but his stamina was starting to fail him. The hike to the river had already left the blond worn out, and the strain of the current, although gentle, was bearing down on him.

It wasn’t very long until Armin’s head started to sink in the water causing his nose and mouth to fill up with the river water. He coughed and sputtered, trying hard to kick and beat his arms against the surface, but he already felt like a lead weight. He could hear loud shouts from the river bank, but he could not make them out until he felt a sharp tug on his arm.

The rope! Armin wrapped his wrist around the rope he held in his hand and felt himself pulled up by Jean. Once he felt his feet dragging on the ground, he crawled to the shore coughing up water. His partner met him in the shallows and picked him up in his arms.

“What the hell!” He yelled, but his tone was more frightened then angry. “I thought you could swim?!”

“I can,” Armin coughed up a cup full of water, “Just not well.”

“Shit.” Jean cursed and carried over to their packs that were lying in the pile near the stone circle. “You scared me to death. If I knew you couldn’t swim, I would have gone back to help you.”

This statement caused Armin to fill with worthlessness and he hung his head as he was lowered gently to the ground. He always needed help, it seemed. No matter how hard he tired, he would be a burden to others. A few tears rolled down his cheeks before Armin could stop them and he stifled back a sob.

A soft hand pressed against Armin’s cheek and he made his head turn up to look at Jean. Thinking that he would see anger in those silver eyes, the blond prepared himself only to find a look of understanding and worry for the smaller boy.

“I was just worried for you Armin,” Jean said as he brushed his thumb under his eye, “I do not want to come back without you. You are my partner and we have to work together to see this through. Having a few weaknesses is not a big deal on this trip. We are supposed to know each other like that.”

“But-“

“No buts, now rest.” Jean ordered and laid a blanket over the boy’s smaller form. Armin could only obey the command and close his eyes letting his body rest while Jean went to put up camp.

___

That night, Jean had caught a few squirrels for their dinner and made sure that Armin did not have any more water left in his lungs. It would be dangerous to let the water stay there in his chest while he slept risking illness or suffocation.  They made polite conversation, but nothing like they had spoke of last night at the first check point.

Armin was also nervous about when they would have to lay down and sleep for the night. Would Jean hold him again or would he let him alone? That was the question the blond said over and over again as he prepared for sleep.

After rolling out his bedroll, the blond looked over at his partner to find his back facing him. It seemed as though Jean would not hold him tonight and it left Armin feeling empty inside.

Wait? Did he really want Jean to hold him?

Armin shook his head a bit and quickly took his place on the other side of the tent to go to sleep. How could he think of such a thing? It was wrong. It was perverted. It…didn’t sound so bad as he laid there feeling sleep enter his mind.

Without the gentle warmth and security of his partner, Armin’s dreams were soon filled with nightmares of the Titans and the death of his family. He was caught in the middle of the carnage and he could neither move his body nor scream out for help as he watched his parents and grandpa be devoured by the giant humanoids. A figure walked out from the darkness before him holding two swords in his hands.

_Eren? Is that you?!_

The darkness moved aside and Armin’s eyes widen to find that the figure was not Eren, but Jean. His eyes were blazing like fire and he was saying something, but the screams of his parents muffled out the sounds of what he had said. Jean turned away and charged the Titans tearing his family apart with their teeth. To the blond’s horror, his partner was snatched up in the hands of a Titan and he watched as his body was pulled in two. Blood sprayed out from the limp torso and finally Armin found his voice to scream.

“Armin!”

Armin opened his eyes and reached up to grasp Jean’s shirt tightly in his hands. His heart was pounding in his chest threatening to break out of his chest, and sweat was rolling down from his body. This new image in his dreams was startling and left Armin wondering if he would ever see such a thing happen to the taller boy. No, he wouldn’t. Jean wanted to join the Military Police. He would be safe.

“You were screaming in your sleep,” Jean said soft and brushed a few damp locks away from Armin’s face, “You were reaching out to someone.”

His chest clenched in pain and he pulled his partner down close to him. The blond didn’t say anything, nor did he let him go. He buried his face into Jean’s chest and just allowed himself to cry. He knew it was weak. He knew that he should be strong like Mikasa and Eren, but he could not hold back anymore after seeing his partner ripped apart. Armin could almost feel the spray of blood on his face and he caused his stomach to lurch.

Jean did not question Armin sudden actions, but held him tightly against his chest. What his dreams were, he didn’t know. All he knew was that Armin needed him and he was willing to hold him until he was calm.

An hour passed of silent sobs and painful gulps of air until the tension left the blond’s body. His arms were wrapped tightly around Jean’s back and his fingers gripped onto his shoulders to keep him close. From all this stress, Armin felt exhaustion flood his small body and the warmth of the taller boy only gave him comfort to sleep again. When Jean tried to pull away, he made a distressed noise and gripped tighter telling him to stay where he was. Even if it seemed so wrong, Armin wanted Jean to hold him throughout the night. It was the only protection he had against the nightmares. 


	4. Touch

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Armin wakes up in Jean's arms after seeing his death in his nightmares. Is there something growing inside the blond's heart that he has yet to understand?

Armin woke up with a dull ache in his head and the heavy heat in the tent. The sun was shining down on the tent and caused the temperature to become unbearable inside. The blond’s skin was sticky with sweat from the nightmare and the heat so when he moved against Jean’s body he found that they almost stuck together almost painfully.

That’s right, Jean was still holding him. His arms were still wrapped around his smaller form and he found his head tucked under his chin. Images suddenly rushed into his mind of Jean’s torn body in the Titan’s hands and his grip on his partner only tightened to make sure he was still in one piece next to him.

This was rewarded with a small groan and Jean nuzzling into his blond hair. “Hot.” He muttered weakly and opened his eyes when the sunlight disturbed his sleep. Armin moved his head back so he could look into those silver eyes and he offered him a small smile.

“Yeah, but we can do nothing about that.” Armin laughed a bit.

“That’s what you think.”

The smaller boy blinked a bit at the statement as he watched Jean lean up and unzip the flap so cooler air could flood the tent. Even if the air outside was still warm, it felt much better than the stuffy tent. He licked his lips nervously as Jean’s chest clothed chest brushed over his own and his heart quickened for a few seconds. It was like a spark of electricity that he could not explain, but it was not bad in anyway. It was something he had not experienced before either with anyone else.

“The next check point is not too far, and I think a quick bath would do us some good.”

“Bath?” Armin’s cheeks flushed red.

“I have some soap in my pack for washing.” Jean said as he climbed out of the tent and stretched his slowly waking body. “Three weeks without a bath sounds pretty nasty and there is another branch of the river by our destination.”

A bath sounded like heaven, but no one besides Eren has ever seen Armin naked. The thought that Jean’s eyes would be on his bare form caused the most delightful shivers to move up his spine, but he pushed those thoughts away. Sexuality had never been an issue for him since he had never labeled himself one way or the other. By the fall of Wall Maria, Armin thought it was useless to even try to figure out what gender he was attracted to and focus on keeping his small family together.

Now these thoughts started to reenter his mind and the blond found himself curious about Jean’s body. He had to admit he had an attractive face and there was something about his presence that made the smaller boy feel safe, but his thoughts had never turned to anything of an intimate relationship. To tell the truth, Armin thought he would ever have a chance for a relationship.

Jean was standing outside the tent waiting for Armin to join him and he blushed darker when he realized how long he had been thinking to himself. He could see that the taller boy looked as if he thought he insulted his partner, but he smiled up at him and crawled out of the tent.

“As long as we have the time,” He said as he stood up and pulled his t-shirt over his head, “I think a bath sounds great.”

The two boys stripped their clothing off and laid them on the roof of the tent so they would not get anymore dirty then they already were before walking together towards the river. Armin’s eyes gazed shyly over at Jean’s form and he started to chew his bottom lip nervously afraid of being caught. Jean was built like the statues in the history books from the ancient world – well muscled arms and legs with a well defined chest. It seemed as though the training they were going through improved their bodies, but the taller boy looked like he was carved from stone.

Armin looked down at his own body and suddenly felt ashamed. Yes he was well toned from labor and the training, but he had a softer form then most boys. Even if Eren was only slightly taller than him, he had a well defined figure like most of boys of the 104th Trainees.

Jean must had felt him watching because he turned his head to look at the blond next to him and smirked a bit. “Like what you see?”

The blond looked away from his partner, but Jean could see the boy’s ears turn red. “Full of yourself, aren’t you?”

“Well for good reason, but you should be too. You have a very nice body.”

Armin’s eyes widen and he looked over at Jean with wide eyes in shock at his words.

“What?” He blinked a bit. “You don’t think so?”

“Well. I-I,” He stuttered shyly and stepped into the water until it reached to his knees, “No one has ever seen me like this, except for Eren. He wouldn’t comment on my body like that.”

“I’m kinda glad about that.” Jean said as he joined Armin in the water.

“Why?”

“Uh, n-no reason really.” This time it was Jean’s turn to flush red with embarrassment and adverted his gaze from the blond to the river. “So soap. Here.”

Armin did not understand Jean’s embarrassment, but took the soap from his hands gently. Their fingers brushed together for the first time and both of them looked at each other with a mixture of surprise and desire. Their breaths were caught in their throat for just a moment before Jean pulled his hand away from him.

“Sorry.” He muttered and went to the deeper parts of the river.

The water was cool and Armin was glad for it washing the two days old sweat from his skin. He scrubbed his body with the soap Jean had given to him and made sure every part of him was clean. It was refreshing and he felt human again when he was finished. He saw Jean out the corner of his eyes and watched him swim a few laps with a type of grace he had only seen when he completed the Three Dimensional Maneuver.

When Jean finished his wall workout, he made his way over to Armin and smiled a bit. “You look a bit chipper.” He grinned. “Mind if I get myself cleaned?”

“Sure.” Armin handed over the soap, but he could not look away as his partner started to scrub himself. Suddenly his body started to feel warmer and his breathing started to become heavy even to the point of panting. The way the suds rolled down his chest made Armin trembling and a pool of heat fill his groin with an overwhelming sensation. Desire was almost unknown to the blond, but he was slowly discovering what it felt like want another.

“Did you do your hair?”

“What?” Armin blinked in confusion and looked up at Jean.

“Hair? Did you wash your hair?”

“Oh. No I didn’t.”

“Turn around then.”

Still confused, Armin did as he was told and turned his back to Jean waiting nervously. Soap and gentle fingers started to rub through his hair and he let out a small gasp of pleasure. The sensation was completely unknown to him and he did not know if he should allow this continue or not, but the way Jean’s fingers worked against his scalp caused his worries to fade away. Armin mewed and trembled under his partner’s hands willingly and leaned back into the touch.

“I’m gonna tip you back to rinse your hair.”

“Mhm.” Was the only answer the blond to respond with since all words had melted from his mind.

Jean leaned his partner back slowly and held him up by his lower back so the boy was floating on his back. It was the most relaxed he had ever felt in his life and allowing his weight to be held by Jean’s hand. A soft smile spread across his face and he opened his eyes to look up at the boy holding him as if he were a treasure.

“You have a nice smile Armin.” Jean almost whispered. “I hope you don’t ever lose that.”

Armin giggled at such sweet words coming from head strong Jean who always spoke his mind – which tend to be rash.

“My, my if the other boys find out you talk like this to me they might not take you seriously anymore.”

“Not a word Blondie.” Jean growled softly, but there was something playful in his threat.

“Ooo, what is Softy Jean gonna do about it?”

Before he knew it, Armin was dunked under the water.

___

Jean and Armin had let go of all the tension they had held inside themselves and ended up having a splashing war. It was as if Jean was a child again and it felt wonderful to let loose and let go of everything that had twisted up inside him from the Titans. Marco had been the only one who had seen this side of him and it felt nice to let Armin see this.

Once their playfulness died down, the pair broke their camp down and returned to their task of hiking to the third check point. Jean found that during their walk Armin rarely left his side and would often smile up at him even if they did not speak. He wanted to hold the blond’s hand, but settled with gentle brushes of their fingers as they walked.

That night, after the broke for camp and hunted for their food, Jean found Armin looking up at him hopefully, chewing on his bottom lip. For a moment he was at a loss of what the smaller boy wanted until he realized that he was asking to be held that night. His heart softened and he offered his hand to him with a gentle smile.

“Let’s go to bed.” Jean said sweetly.

Armin had been nervous all day about asking to be held since he did not know how to pose the question to another boy. He didn’t know if it sounded odd, but he was glad that Jean understood what he wanted. Shyly, he took his hand and followed him to the tent. His cheeks were burning red again from the feeling of the warmth of Jean’s hand.

Their bedrolls were already laid out and Armin found himself pulled down into Jean’s arm. His eyes closed tightly as their bodies pressed up against one another. He could feel everything – the pulse of his heat, his heart pounding against his chest and the soft shudders. It was strange, but Armin didn’t pull away from his partner. He partially laid on top of the taller boy and felt his head tucked securely under his chin.

They were quiet and Armin found himself listening to the sounds of Jean’s calm breathing and the feeling of his heart beat against his own. He was vaguely aware of Jean’s hands rubbing circles against his lower back, but it only soothed his already calmed state for sleep.

The dreams were not horrible visions and death, but images of his childhood. Armin sat in the fields and looked up at the vast blue sky that stretched out over him. He could feel a gentle pressure and warmth pressed up against his back. He felt safe. There was no such thing as the Walls or Titans roaming the earth killing all those who came in front of them. There was a peace that Armin had never felt before, even when Wall Maria was still standing.

_“You have a beautiful smile.”_ A voice said, a tickling sensation played against his ear.

_“You are the only one who has told me that, you know?”_ Armin answered with a giggle.

_“Well it is true. You have such a beautiful smile. I don’t want you to ever lose it.”_

_“Such sweet words coming from you. I think you should be careful to who you say such things to.”_ He turned his head to look up at a blurred figure holding him from behind. _“You don’t want the others to think you have a soft side, do you?”_

The figure laughed and Armin felt that he had heard it before somewhere. It was so familiar and so soothing that he found himself laughing with him. He laughed happily until lips were pressed against his own earning a soft moan to rise up from his chest. Strong hands cupped Armin’s face and held him there as the kiss deepened and the small blond could only grip at the figure’s shirt to keep himself grounded to this place – the dream paradise he had found.

_“I want to protect you, Armin.”_


	5. Getting to Know One Another

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Armin is asking questions about Jean's past and understands why Jean wants to join the MPs.

_I want to protect you Armin._

Armin’s eyes fluttered open as that voice echoed in his mind – following him from his dreams to the reality of this dark world. This offer of protection a familiar phantom made him smile as he stirred a bit more in the morning light that filtered into their tent. He felt invigorated and happy for once since the fall of Wall Maria and it seemed that his partner Jean was the cause of it. This soft touching and gentle comfort between the two only made the blond realized how much he had missed such contact and connection with another human being. He knew that he should offer more kindness to him and give him trust.

The movement caused Jean to stir and he opened his silver eyes to find Armin smiling down at him. He grinned a bit seeing his blond hair disheveled, but soft after their bath yesterday.

“You look like you got onto a fight with a comb.” Jean said trying not to laugh.

“You don’t look any better,” Armin retorted with a small pout, “One side of your head is sticking up like chicken feathers.”

They stared at each other for a long time until they both started to laugh at the other’s messy bed hair. The tension had left their partnership it seemed and left them more relaxed and willing to show the other the part of them that was kept hidden from the pain of the Titans.

The pair broke down camp slowly and Jean listened to Armin sing a song that his grandpa had taught him. It didn’t feel odd anymore to know that the taller boy’s eyes were on him and he only sang louder when he saw him pause every now and then.

“You have a nice voice,” Jean said when his partner finished the song, “I am really surprised. You normally don’t sing around the trainee camp.”

“Well it’s a little weird to sing in front of strangers and worse if they are boys and girls trying to become soldiers. I thought I would be made fun of if I started singing, so I just kept it to myself.”

“I wouldn’t make fun of you because you can sing.”

Armin turned his head to look at Jean and found a goofy grin on his lips. It was if he was making fun of him now, but the type of humor between friends. This thought caused him to blink a bit and realized he was starting to think of Jean as his friend. The word sounded right, although there was something a bit different in the context of that word that made Armin keep it to himself.

“Thank you, I guess.” Armin finally said with a pink blush tinting his cheeks.

___

“Tell me about your home.”

Armin and Jean had been walking for a few hours towards their fourth check point and he found himself curious about the taller boy. Yes, he knew he was from Trost and that he came to train to be on the interior, but he knew nothing about his past or even his family. Did Jean even have brothers or sisters? Was his parents still around? He was curious about his partner and wished to know more about him as their connection grew between them. Granted, he had always wondered about Jean since he never seemed to talk about his life in Trost.

The question seemed to hang in the air between the two, but Jean let out a few signs as if to gather his thoughts on the matter.

“Both of my parents were killed some time ago when a plague went through the town. When there were enough doctors to handle the outbreak, they were already dead leaving me with my uncle.”

Armin’s hands tightened in a fist and his head bowed in shame. “I’m sorry.” He whispered.

“No,” Jean looked down at his partner with a sad smile, “It’s okay. I was wondering when you were going to ask me about myself since I know a lot about you already.”

“Still, it must be hard to remember.”

“It is, but you have to try to move on and keep going. That is what my father use to tell me when I did something wrong or failed at a subject in school. Just keep going and nothing can stop you.”

The small saying made Armin smile and he brushed their hands together to give Jean his support if he needed it. He suddenly felt his larger hand grasp his own and held onto his hand as they hiked up a small hill. The blond could not describe the feelings that rushed through his body as their fingers laced together. It was a mixture between panic and pleasure –the need to either run away or keep holding on for dear life.

He chose to hold on.

Jean did not let go of his hand as they continued their walk on the path. Sometimes his thumb would rub small circles over the back of Armin’s hand and made the boy next to him shiver. It felt different from when the taller boy held him at night. It was as if this gesture held something of promise and no matter what Armin did, he could not get rid of the blush on his cheeks.

“If you keep on blushing like that, I think you might pass out.” Jean winked at his partner.

“Well you are holding my hand like that and rubbed me with your thumb.”

“So holding hands makes you blush that badly, eh?” Jean licked his lips and smirked at Armin. “I wonder how badly you would blush if you were touched in other places?”

Armin gasped and nearly tripped on his feet at the statement and was rewarded with the laughter of the taller boy next to him. Even then he did not let go of that larger hand, only squeezed it tighter to keep him close.

Such talk would certainly cause a scandal among the trainees, and Armin had never been spoken to like that in all of his young adult life. No one had ever thought that he would ever hold sexual desires, let alone know anything about what went on in the bedroom between people of the same sex, but he often found his way to books that held forbidden knowledge. He had read an old book that discussed the practices of homosexuality in different ancient cultures and offered very detailed text and illustrations along with it. This act was not forbidden, but was widely looked down upon inside the Walls. There were a few people who came out in the open with their hate saying that it was a sin. These odd people who created a cult called ‘The Church’.

Armin shook his head a bit and looked up at Jean with a smile. “You are odd.” He simply said and carried on the hike.

___

The fire crackled in the darkness and Armin cuddled up next to Jean so they could share a blanket together. A cold wind was blowing through the land which signaled that it would be raining soon. Jean had thought that the blond was nuts for saying that it would rain since it was already midsummer, but clouds gathered overhead blotting out the stars. The downpour would come soon.

“You think we should get in the tent yet?” Armin asked as he watched the fire. He was not tired, but he didn’t want to move from the spot he had made for himself against the taller boy.

“Just a little while longer,” Jean was finishing off a few bites of rabbit that Armin had snared for them, “Wait until I’m finished and then we can call it a night early.”

“I hope it doesn’t rain during the day tomorrow. The path will be slick enough with this storm.”

“You don’t sound too happy about that,” Jean chuckled, “Afraid of getting a bit muddy?”

Armin pushed Jean to the side and grinned. “Jerk.”

A light drizzle blanketed the small checkpoint making the two boys take cover in their tent. Armin hoped that the tent would be water proof enough so when he woke up he would not be soaking wet. Jean closed the flap just as the drizzled turned into large raindrops. The sound echoed in the forest and the blond listened to the soothing sound of rain hitting the leaves of the trees. It sounded almost like another world out there when the land was touched by rain. It was calming, but sad in a way.

He turned to watch Jean lay down next to him and stretch out over his bedroll. His body looked completely relaxed by the noise outside and he decided to stretch out as well.

“You said you lived with your uncle after your parents died,” Armin rolled over to lie on his stomach, “Is he still alive now?”

“Yes he is. He was nice, but he gambled a lot of money away. We didn’t live in a nice area and most of the time I found him laying in the ally with his pockets empty from losing a couple of bets the night before.” Jean sighed a bit and ran his fingers through his layered hair. “Don’t get me wrong, I loved him, but he just…he just couldn’t see that others were using him. He trusted too easily.”

“I didn’t know you had a hard life.” Armin’s eyes widen when he realized something. “Is that why you want to join the MPs?”

“Yeah, partly. I want to live in a place where I don’t have to worry about losing my home to collectors, or trying to fend for myself when my uncle is gone all night. People around me think it is selfish, but people never seem to even ask me why.”

Armin moved a bit closer and laid his head on Jean’s outstretched arm. “I don’t think it is selfish to want that. You want a better life for yourself. Everyone does.”

Jean smiled a little and curled towards Armin’s body so he could share the warmth as the air around them turned cold from the rainfall. The blond one of the few people who really wanted to get to know him and ask him these questions. Eren was all self righteous in his eyes, though he could understand his feelings strangely. Marco was the only other person who told him that he was not selfish to want something better for himself and strive to reach out for it. He even told Jean that it is one of the many things that make him admire him.

“What do you want to do after the training is up, Armin?”

It was the first time someone had truly asked him this and he found himself tangling his legs with his partner.

“Really,” Armin whispered softly, “I don’t know. I mean, I joined to help humanity fight against the Titans, but I guess I didn’t really think ahead. I know Eren wants to do nothing more than join the Survey Corps and Mikasa is going to follow him no matter what decision he makes, but me…I never really thought it through.”

“So why did you join?”

“I don’t want to leave my family. I want to protect those I love.”

Jean’s arm wrapped around Armin’s waist and tightened so that they were pressed close together. He looked down so their foreheads bumped together gently. Armin could feel Jean’s breathe on his lips and he shivered at the unknown sensation. There was heat pulsing through his cheeks and it went down into his stomach.

“I will protect you Armin.” Jean said, his words ghosting over the blond’s lips before he turned his head away to stare at the ceiling.

When he watched Jean turn away, he let out a shaky breath and closed his eyes tightly. He was so utterly confused at the closeness they had just then, but he didn’t question it now. He felt so tired oddly and found it had to do with the sound of the rain all around them. The raindrops were like a lullaby his mother would sing to him when he was so small – when he thought monsters hid under his bed. With Jean around, Armin knew the monsters would not get him.

His dream was almost the same as last night.

Armin felt those arms wrap around him and warm breath tickling his ear. He giggled and playfully tried to push the figure away from him, but only felt those arms tighten around him. It felt so nice that he stopped his struggles and leaned his head back on the phantom’s shoulder. The sky overhead was blue and it reminded him of the book he had read about the body of water called the ‘sea’.

_“When we go out there together,”_ Armin said with a smile on his lips, _“We will go see this so called sea and find out if it really is made of salt water.”_

_“I would like that, Armin.”_

_“Eren and Mikasa can come too. We will all be together.”_

_“We will be a family.”_ The voice whispered and Armin felt soft lips pressed against his temple. He let out a small sigh and turned his head to tuck himself under the phantom’s chin. It felt so safe and warm in these arms that he hoped he would never wake up. But he knew that he had felt this before.

The sky turned dark and Armin felt ripped away from the comfort of those arms. He could hear the screams of people around him and the world lit up in flames. Titans were slowly walking among the houses and he could see people being picked up in their hands to be eaten in front of him. The blond could feel the swords in his hand from training, but he could not lift himself up from the ground to save himself or the others around him.

The figure who had given him so much comfort stood before him a small knife drawn in his hand as if to protect him. He could see the symbol of Wall Rose on the phantom’s back and blood seeping into the brown jacket. Slowly, he turned his head and Armin’s blue eyes were locked with silver ones before a hand grasped the figure.

_“No!”_ Armin cried and reached his hand out to save him, but the Titan squeezed his hand and Armin was met with the horror of limbs crushed and falling apart in front of him. Blood poured all over the ground and he watched the head roll in front of him. Those silver eyes looked up at Armin, but the darkness of death had filled them leaving the gaze blank as if he were never alive.

_“JEAN!”_  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now I know that we do not know Jean's past, so I made something up for him. I would think that this would be a reasonable back story.
> 
> Please don't hate me! T-T


	6. Realization

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Armin wakes up and refuses to tell Jean what he dreamt about, deciding to run away from him. He runs right into danger and starts to realize that Jean is much more then a friend to him.

“Armin!” A voice called out and the blond felt those hands on his shoulders shaking him awake. “Armin! Are you alright?!”

Armin opened his eyes and saw Jean kneeling over him – his eyes were wide and filled with worry. He blinked a few times to find that his eyes were filled with tears and the blanket was tangled around his legs as if he had been thrashing about. His partner’s hand smoothed over his face gently and helped him to sit up.

His stomach lurched and he grew pale with nausea. He was glad that Jean understood what his expression meant and quickly opened the tent so Armin could throw up the food that they had shared last night on the ground. The cool air from the night’s rain made vomiting almost bearable cooling the heat from his skin on his neck. He had never reacted this way to his nightmares before, but seeing Jean killed like that affected him far too greatly then he had ever imagined. He let out another cry and stomach bile spilled from his mouth again until his body had relaxed enough to allow him time to breath.

Everything about his body was sore and ached from the shock to his system. Armin just laid there on the bedrolls panting and curled up in a small ball. He felt a cool, wet cloth pressed over his face and wipe away the leavings of his sickness from his mouth.

“I would have asked if the rabbit wasn’t cooked well enough, but you have been tossing all night.” Jean said as he opened the canteen and offered the smaller boy some water to wash the taste out of his mouth. “You screamed my name over and over and you were sobbing.”

Armin sipped on the water and spit it out of the tent to get rid of the taste before lying back down. The run was rising and a light fog had settled over the forest. It was beautiful and it kept him from remembering those images of the Titans killing his partner.

Jean on the other hand did not want to let this go. “Armin, what were you dreaming about?” His eyes turned stern and he stared down at him expecting an answer. “Are you listening? What did you dream about? Why did you scream my name?”

“Just drop it!” Armin yelled and turned away. “Leave me alone, Jean!”

“Not until you tell me what is wrong! You threw up for fuck sake!”

“I don’t need your help or your pity Jean so just drop it.” Armin spat before leaving the tent to go for a walk. He had to clear his head somehow. He had to get away from Jean and those dreams for just a few minutes so he could feel normal.

He heard the taller boy call out for him, but he didn’t look back or stop. Armin kept walking faster and faster until he was far away from the checkpoint and he could lean against a tree to breath. His breath came out in heavy pants and sweat rolled down his throat even if the air around him was cool. Armin didn’t understand why he reacted like to Jean or even to his nightmares since he had never gotten sick before. It was frightening and he didn’t understand the feelings that were swarming his mind and heart. Yes, Jean was a friend and he was starting to care for him, but how much did he truly care for him?

The gentle touches, the looks, the way Jean held him at night were fogging his mind to the point the blond didn’t think he could function. He had held hands with Eren and Mikasa before, but when he held hands with his partner he found something a little more profound than a mere friendship between two boys.

There were only a few conclusions that Armin thought were possible. The first was that he was over reacting to the whole situation and it was nothing. The second was that he was truly sick somehow and that this situation was only causing him deep stress. The third and final was that he was growing more and more attracted to Jean as they grew closer.

Growing attracted to Jean?

Armin’s heart almost stopped and he closed his eyes tightly. That couldn’t be it. Jean was a flirt and would always speak his mind, but there wasn’t anything between them like that, was there? The blond knew that there was nothing wrong with liking another man in his eyes, but if he really liked Jean and found that his feelings were not wanted he didn’t know how he could go on during this journey. They still had over two more weeks together.

“Oh God help me.” Armin whispered and gripped onto the bark of the tree.

A twig snapped in the distance and the blond turned his head up. Did Jean follow him? He took a shaky step forward and reached his hand out.

“I’m sorry Jean, I didn’t mean to run I just-“ A large black figure stepped into view and reared its large head at him. A wolf bared its teeth at the trembling figure and growled low as his tail went up to prepare for an attack. Armin’s body froze and he felt the breath leave his lungs in pure fear.

“G-Go away…” He whispered and tried to back up away from the beast only to find himself pressing his back against the tree he had been leaning on. “Just go away.”

The wolf snarled at the boy and his claws dug into the ground as he took another step forward. Armin wanted to cry out, but when he opened his mouth no sound came out. He was paralyzed by the fear and could only watch as the wolf came closer and closer to him. His trembling hands pressed over his pants trying to see if he had some kind of weapon on him. The blond remember the knife that Jean had given to him, but he sobbed when he realized it was in his pack. He hadn’t taken it out yet to keep on himself.

He was going to die.

The beast sniffed the air and his jaws opened slightly to show the rows of white, sharp teeth that would tear the boy apart in seconds. Armin closed his eyes tightly when he saw the wolf start to run towards him and put his hands over his head to try to protect himself from the attack.

He never felt the teeth sink in and he could snarling and a struggle going only a few meters in front of him. The blond opened his eyes and looked to find Jean on top of the animal’s back stabbing into his broad neck with a knife. The creature growled and cried out in pain trying to get the taller boy off of it, but he held on tightly as he stabbed away until it had stopped moving.

Blood dripped down Jean’s hand as he stood up and looked at Armin cowering against the tree trunk. He looked so different, so cold. Was this the first time Jean had killed something? Eren had the same look when he was nine years old after he returned with his father and Mikasa in tow.

When Jean started to approach, Armin felt his body tense up in fear again. If the taller boy noticed it or not, he didn’t stop his advance until he pinned his partner against the tree.

“Don’t you ever do that again.” Jean said, his voice was low and dangerous. “Always carry this knife on you. No matter what. You could have been killed!” He slammed his fist near Armin’s head.

Armin looked up into Jean’s eyes and he saw a mixture of emotions he didn’t understand. There was anger, but also fear. He was afraid that he wouldn’t make it in time? That Armin would be on the ground dead from the wolf attack? Whatever it was, Armin didn’t get a longer look because Jean wrapped his arms around him and held him tightly against his body. Some of the blood soaked into his white shirt, but he suddenly didn’t care at all. He just remembered the words Jean had told him.

_I will protect you Armin._

“I thought I lost you.” Jean whispered into the smaller boy’s hair and gripped onto his back. “Don’t ever run away from me again.”

“I-I’m sorry Jean.” Armin choked out and felt tears roll down his cheeks. “I’m so sorry I just…I was…”

“It’s over now, Armin.” He pulled away and kissed his forehead softly. Armin’s cheeks turned red at the touch of Jean’s soft lips against his skin. “Let’s go back and clean up. We need to get moving.”

Armin nodded a little and held onto his partner’s hand tightly as they stepped over the boy of the dead wolf. He looked back at the creature one last time before Jean tugged him by the hand towards the path.

___

Armin didn’t lean Jean wash himself of the blood, but did it himself. He poured the water from his own canteen over Jean’s arm and hands and used some of the soap to wash away the blood. He took his time rubbing his fingers over his hand and up his arm slowly. Armin made sure every inch of him had no sign of blood. Once they were finished, Armin and Jean packed up their camp in silence and head off down the path towards the fifth checkpoint.

It killed Armin inside to watch Jean stay quiet like this. Normally he was talkative and smiling at him, but now he looked cold and distant. He could tell it wasn’t about the wolf attack or the fact he had to save him, but something else he was missing. No matter how much he tried to figure out what was wrong, the more stressed he became over it.

Thankfully, the path was not slick with mud and the pair didn’t have any trouble with getting to the fifth checkpoint. Jean was still cold to his partner and went off to hunt the moment he had set their belongings down. Before he left, he pushed the knife into Armin’s hand with a stern look and told him to stay put while he was gone.

It was infuriating and Armin had to hold back an angry growl trying to rise up from his chest. Did Jean think he could not hunt anymore because he froze in front of a wolf?! After a while of thinking, the blond knew that could not be it and sat down on a fall log by the tent.

It seemed like hours before Jean returned and he had a small fawn slung over his shoulders. As sad as it looked, that fawn could keep them both fed for at least another two days. Jean took the task of cutting the meat out in the woods way from Armin’s eyes while the blond set up branches over the fire to dry the meat quickly so they could pack it away.

They had not spoken since the wolf attack and Armin found himself wishing for Jean’s soothing voice and his playfulness. It felt wrong to stay so quiet and to not be close to him like they have been for the past few days. There was an ache in the blond’s heart that he could not understand, but he knew the only way to fill it was to be close to Jean – to touch him, to be held, to laugh again.

The meat was placed in long strips over the fire after they had cooked their dinner and the two sat there in silence yet again. The fire crackling and the song of the owls were the only noises that could be heard. Armin’s gaze never felt the taller boy who sat there in deep thought. He wondered what he was thinking so hard about and he found that he wanted to ask him.

It suddenly came to Armin and he knew why he was acting so distant; Jean was angry because he ran away from him and did not tell him about his dreams. It wasn’t the fact that he ran away, it was the fact that Jean was offering to hear him out and he pushed it away without even thinking. Jean had been worried about him and running away from help only made it worse.

“Oh Jean.” Armin said under his breath as his blue gaze softens over at the brunette. He took his place next to his partner and laid his head on his shoulder. He felt him tense, but he did not pull away nor did he wrap his arm around him like he would normally do.

“I have been having nightmares about my parents and grandpa dying for a few years now. They were sent away after the fall of Rose Maria because there were too many of us to feed. I see them being eaten by Titans almost every night until you came and held me.”

Jean said nothing, but his arm moved around Armin’s waist and gave him a comforting squeeze.

“Last night I saw you there in my dreams. You were trying to protect me, but a Titan grabbed you and tore you apart in front of me. I have never felt so devastated and so sick in my life. I couldn’t even move to help you. I had to watch you die and…and…”

Armin didn’t realize his breathing was labored until Jean pressed a gentle finger to his lips to make him stop. He looked up at him and saw a look of understanding and compassion. Once again, Jean leaned down close and pressed a few soft kisses over his forehead while his other hand smoothed over his blond hair to help him relax. His heart was pounding harder and harder until his partner pulled away and looked at the fire quietly.

Jean had spoken no words, no opinions, only listened to Armin’s dreams and gave him comfort through his hands. It was all he had ever wanted.

He curled up against Jean’s side and let his eyes drift close to enjoy the return of the taller boy’s warmth against him and their rekindling of their odd friendship. But this wasn’t any friendship Armin had known before. It was so much deeper than that, but he found himself afraid. Jean was starting to mean something to him that even Eren and Mikasa didn’t reach.

_Oh God I think I’m falling for Jean._


End file.
